Maybe I Am Crazy
by ChloeRhiannonX
Summary: Maybe I am crazy but the laughter makes the pain pass by. Maybe Izzy is crazy but who are you to judge? This redheaded girl has a deep past behind her. Izzy finds herself tucked away in the insanity ward at a mental hospital. But how had all come to this?
1. Erasing The Line

**Chapter One**

**Erasing The Line**

"Isabelle?" I turned my head, my face blank. "Dr. Leri is ready to speak to you now." I nodded briefly towards the woman with the clipboard, before turning back to the window. How had it all come to this? At what point in my life has it all spiraled downwards and ended up as this?

"Isabelle, we need to go now." I couldn't even think of why I was there. Of course I knew _why. _But...Why? How had it gotten to that point in time where I was waiting in my 'dorm' room and waiting for my appointment with a qualified psychiatrist? It wasn't as if I had planned it. It wasn't as if it had been my ambition. It just sort of...Happened.

"Isabelle!" The woman with the clipboard shook at my shoulders and I jolted backwards. I wasn't used to the touch anymore.

No one had come close to me in over a week. I was that freaky girl from some unknown town. That one who no one knew anything about. No one had wanted anything to do with me. And that was fine. I didn't want anything to do with them either. I didn't want anything to do with anyone anymore. But I had to. I had to just keep it going because I was not allowed to end it myself.

"Come along, Isabelle." She was very stern, very bossy. She hadn't even spoken a proper conversation with me, yet I knew I wouldn't have liked her very much if she had. She was just one of those people. A lot of people were one of those people to me. I just didn't like them.

I was led from my secluded room, down the empty corridor. And then down another. And then down another. I was lost. I had never been allowed down this part of the 'hospital' before. I had seen people walk down here, or at least in this general direction, but I had never been there myself.

I guessed this was where all of the psychiatrist's offices were. Most doors had gold plaques with Dr. This and Dr. That printed on them. Maybe that was why I had never been down there. I hadn't had anything to do with any sort of doctor yet. In my first week I was not allowed. But now I was. I was finally going to talk to someone.

That someone was probably the same who had been monitoring me all week. I knew that was the real reason behind my very late appointment. I was being watched. I was being monitored out. They wanted to know more about me. I never showed them anything. At least, anything they could have used against me. But it wasn't like I was trying not to. There was nothing for them to use against me in the long run.

My escort stopped, her sour face not having moved. I thought it was botox, making me face stiff as a twig. She looked like she had some. Or maybe she was born with that face. The face that made you want to punch it. Either way, I still didn't like her.

She knocked the door, no answer. She knocked again and then turned to me, "Stay here until you are called in." I felt a strong urge to roll my eyes, but I forced myself not to. I was good at forcing myself not to do things, maybe that was a reason why I was here. I had momentarily lost that ability.

As the clip-clop of Miss Sour face's heels echoed down the hallway, I was starting to feel alone again. I was always left to feel alone in my life, you'd have thought I was used to it by now. And I was. Probably because I preferred it. Being alone with my thoughts was what I liked. No one could tell me what to do then.

"Enter." A voice called within a few moments later. It was as if she could see through walls, now that Sour Face had gone, I was free to enter.

I did as I was told. I pushed open the door and stepped into the room. I don't know what I had been expecting, but it wasn't this. This wasn't an office, this was a _home. _

The walls were a deep mahogany wood, from the floor to the high ceiling. The floor was also wooden, a slightly darker color. There was a desk at the far side of the room, matching the rest of the wood, but it looked pretty unused. Against the opposite wall was a fireplace, also of the same wood, a flame flicking under a golden plate gateway.

In the middle of the room was a deep green armchair, a stereotypical (You know, the one's you see people lying all dramatic-like on in movies) matching sofa across from it. In between the two was a coffee table- also matching the wood-and a cream shag rug underneath it. The rest of the large room was pretty much bare.

On the green chair was a middle-aged woman, slightly hinting towards OAP in her years. She wore a black suit, made of some expensive material I had never come across before. Her legs were folded and she was reading a few sheets of paper she had in her hands.

"Oh." She smiled up towards me as the door slammed expectantly shut. It would have made me jump, but it didn't. I was used to loud noises and unexpected things. I think the Dr. noticed it too.

Her face was kind-at least kinder than Sour Face's. But I never smiled back at her. I was not a smiler anymore. It was something I never liked doing for some reason. I guess I never felt that I had a reason to smile. At least not anymore.

"You didn't make a special effort for me, did you, Isabelle?" I had no idea what she was talking about personally. I was only wearing a black skirt and light pink t-shirt. _I wasn't even wearing shoes! _And my hair was nothing special. Bright orange locks that fell down to my waist, perfectly straight with my bangs clipped back to the side with a bobby pin. Nothing special there.

I guessed she was being sarcastic or something, but maybe she wasn't. Maybe I was one of her better dressed patients. After all, I had seen the others dress sense. Not a pretty sight, I can tell you that.

"Come sit, Isabelle." I did as I was told; just feeling compelled to do so. "Isabelle...That is a pretty name, isn't it?" I had no idea it was. "It's my niece's name, you know." Nope. I didn't know that either. "Do you have a nickname?" That I did.

"Izzy." I replied, pushing myself to sound confident. It was difficult. "My family calls me Izzy."

"Izzy..." She spoke my name like a whisper as she studied my face for-I wasn't even sure what for. But she was definitely studying my face, or staring. Either one works.

"Well, Izzy, I am Dr. Leri." Duh, that was what Sour Face had told me. "I just want to ask you a few questions, is that alright?" Would you not ask if I replied with no? "Good." She smiled once more, turning down to her papers. It was clear they contained the questions she was going to ask. Or so I had thought. She quickly gathered them together and placed them face down on the coffee table before going back to looking at me.

"You are such a bright girl, Izzy." Her voice sounded worried for me, but we had only just met. That was insane. Insane. What a word to describe-"_You have an IQ of 125!_" That was true. I had been made to take an IQ test on my way in. Though, at that point, I had, had no idea why, "What went wrong?"

Went wrong? Was she the one who needed the help?

"Nothing went wrong, Dr. Leri." I replied.

Silence. I liked silence; it gave me time to think. Think about anything I wanted to think about. But all I had been thinking about recently was how I had ended up in this place. That was a good thing to think about when you had nothing else.

"Izzy, you had a suicide attempt." Dr. Leri spoke to me softly, probably thinking the subject would send me off into one of my fits. It didn't. It never did, but everyone acted as if it did. "Something must have gone wrong somewhere."

I sat up straight on the green couch, staring Dr. Leri straight in her deep brown eyes, "It wasn't a suicide attempt, it was an escape from everything awful." I explained, turning my wrists over on my alp so she could see. "When we cut, we're in control - we make our own pain and we can stop it whenever we want." The scars were ugly to look at, I knew they were. I looked at them every day. "Physical pain relieves mental anguish. For a brief moment, the pain of cutting is the only thing in the cutter's mind, and when that stops and the other comes back, it is weaker." I knew exactly what I was talking about; I went through it on a daily basis. "Drugs do that too, and sex, but not like cutting. Nothing is like cutting."

Dr. Leri seemed to be stunned into place. Had I really just said that? Had those words really just come from my mouth? Yes. Yes they had. Maybe I did have an IQ of 125 after all. Maybe all those years I had been pushed down by everyone else, maybe I was really bright. Or maybe not.

I just knew what it felt like to be in all of those situations. The suicide. The drugs. The sex. But, most importantly, I knew what it was like to cut. That one I had been doing the longest out of all four elements that I guess had wound me up in the insanity ward at wherever I was. I hadn't even been told the name of the place, but I was definitely there because of what I had tried to do.

"You're doing it to yourself." I continued with my talking, hoping to get my point-the reason I had done what I had-across to Dr. Leri, who was listening rather contently. "And that's why it truly hurts. It was just one of those moments where I said to myself 'If I kill myself today, who would remember me tomorrow?'" It may have seemed like a stupid thing to do to me as I sat there in Dr. Leri's office, but it had been what I had wanted to do back when I had tried it.

"When I cut myself, I feel so much better. All the little things that might have been annoying me suddenly seem trivial because I'm concentrating on the pain." Every word seemed to be chocked from my mouth, but it was easy for me to talk about. I had never had someone to talk to before, but I felt as though I could trust Dr. Leri, which I could. "In that one moment I hated everyone in my life, everyone and everything, and most of all, I hated myself."

Dr. Leri seemed to be caught up with what I had to say. Even I was quite amazed at how easy I found the words to flow. I couldn't stop there; I needed to explain myself to someone. Even if this was a spur of the moment thing. Even if I would regret opening up to her later. I needed to get it all off my chest then and there.

"Insanity is knowing that what you're doing is completely idiotic." And what I had done was completely idiotic when I looked back, "But still, somehow, you just can't stop it." Because it wasn't like I had wanted to go through with it once I had started. I just had.

And, in reference to my IQ score, just to make sure she knew I had been paying my attention to her just as much as she was to me, "There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line."

A/N: Shit...

HOW COULD I START A NEW STORY LIKE THIS? HUH? HUH?

Okay...I'm good...I'm calm...NO I'M NOT!

I'm pretty mad at myself for starting this...But I couldn't pass up the opportunity to start a new story. Especially when it is one I haven't even stumbled upon in past work. I mean, how many stories of mine I have written the main character to be a secret genius, but everyone thinks she is mentally insane because of her depression? NONE! Well, I have this one...

Okay...Yeah...When I mentioned the key word there 'Depression'...Maybe a few of you know why...I have depression. I'm open about it, I don't mind people knowing. What I don't like is people trying to relate to me when they can't. You don't know what it is like unless you have been there yourself. Don't act as if you do.

No! I do not cut. I do not try and kill myself. Yes! I have hurt myself in the past. I have thought about killing myself. Don't try and talk me outta trying to kill myself, you're wasting your time. I'm not going to!

Back to the story...

I was looking up sex quotes earlier because I wanted to write an M rated oneshot. And, don't worry; I'm still in the mood to write one...THAT'S NOT HOW IT SOUNDS! Unless you found it to sound innocent, then it is!

hehehe...

Well, after I had gone through all the sex quotes, I saw a link to quotes about depression, suicide and self-injury. I followed it. Instantly I found this quote;

**Maybe I am crazy but laughing makes the pain pass by.**

Now, who does that remind you of? Because it reminded me of Izzy...And I have never written an Izzy fic before! Perfect opportunity for me to try! :D

And then I continued to read the rest of the quotes and found sooo many good ones! And I related them all together into a story in my head...Well, a few random scenes in my head. But I am planning on turning it into a story...THIS STORY!

hehe!

Quotes for this chapter;

In that one instance I hated everyone in my life, everyone and everything, and me most of all.

When I cut myself, I feel so much better. All the little things that might have been annoying me suddenly seem trivial because I'm concentrating on the pain.

You do it to yourself... and that's why it really hurts.

If I would kill myself tonight, who would remember me tomorrow?

It wasn't a suicide attempt; it was an escape from everything awful. When we cut, we're in control - we make our own pain and we can stop it whenever we want. Physical pain relieves mental anguish. For a brief moment, the pain of cutting is the only thing in the cutter's mind, and when that stops and the other comes back, it is weaker. Drugs do that too, and sex, but not like cutting. Nothing is like cutting.

Insanity is knowing that what you're doing is completely idiotic, but still, somehow, you just can't stop it.

There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

Come on, you didn't honestly think I thought up ALL of what Izzy said by myself ;) ahahaha! Though, I did throw my own things in there and I did reword a few...I think it went well! hehe!

...I have decided I'm pairing this story with Truth or Dare.

I don't think I've ever told ya'll that I like to piar up certain stories with each other...It could be for any reason! Like, I used to pair up Why High School Sucks and Daisy's Daydreams together because Daisy and Bex were...Similar in my mind.

I'm pairing Maybe I Am Crazy and Truth or Dare together because they are real. They are true. There really are teenager sin the world who are going through the same things Izzy and Courtney are going through. They're real.

And, if you have been affected by any of the things mentioned in today's chapter do feel free to conatct ChloeRhiannonX via a PM.

hehehe...Sorry! That ALWAYS comes on at the end Soap Opera's. have you noticed? And I thought I should ask ya'll! hehe!

I was serious though...If you wanna talk, I'm here! I'm a good listener...And some people even say I give good advice! =O! I know! I was shocked at that too...

ahaha!

Thanks for reading, please review :)

Love, ChloeRhiannonX


	2. The Voices

**Chapter 2**

**The Voices**

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><p><em><strong>'I'm so happy, cause today I found my friends, they're in my head' ~Kurt Cobain<strong>_

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><p>I was dismissed back to my dorm room once Dr. Leri was done with me. I don't think she liked me very much after I expressed my true feelings to her, but she had asked for them! I was only answering the questions in which she asked. I had done what I was told. I guess that part may have come as a bit of a shock to her. I was sure my file read something like 'Troubled psychopath with a tendency to act on her own behalf.'<p>

At this point, I was starting to scare myself with all the smart terms my mind had come out with. Ever since Dr. Leri had told me about my IQ score, I was starting to feel smarter. I had never had a chance to test my brain skills before. School was a waste of time for me. I couldn't stay in my seat for a few minutes, let alone a few hours!

My room was pretty bland, not a lot going on. A bed, a desk, a window, a door. That was it. The walls were white. No, they weren't even white. They were grey. The floor was wooden, but faded. All in all, the room was stupid. There was nothing creative about it, nothing about it that made me feel special anymore.

My bedroom back home had been perfect. The walls had once been pink. Then I took spray paint to them and discovered they could easily turn red. My floor was wooden, a lot like the one in the hospital dorm room, but I had hardly ever seen the floor in my bedroom. I always kept a neat clutter of belongings all over the place.

The walls had been graffitied with more spray paint and covered in posters, just the way I liked it. My clothes were kept on the floor, not in the closet. All in all, my room rocked! It was perfect to me, a mess to others. But it was my room, my own space.

But, being cooped up in this hospital, I had no right to be an individual anymore. It should have hurt me, but it didn't. I could no longer feel any pain in my body. I was numb. Completely numb. Even more so as I stared down at my scratched and scarred arms. They disgusted me now. Just the sight of them made me...It made me want to cry. It just reminded me of my old life.

**NO! Don't think about it, Iz!**

_It hurts you, Izzy! Don't hurt yourself anymore!_

They caused you pain...HURT THEM IN RETURN!

"NO!" I screamed, banging my fist against the blank wall. I could feel the tears burning in my eyes, wanting to come out, but I had learnt that crying didn't help anymore. "STOP IT!" I shouted, throwing myself down on the bed. "GET OUT OF MY HEAD!"

"ISABELLE!"

"NO!" I continued to shout in fits of rage, banging my fists and thrashing around in the sheets. "GO AWAY! I DON'T WANT YOU! GO AWAY!"

"ISABELLE!"

I froze. It wasn't the voices now. It was someone else. But I did also wish for her to go away, too. The last person I wanted to talk to now was Sour Face. She probably wanted me to go to therapy again. It never helped. She always seemed to walk in on me during my 'moments'. She knew I was insane, but she was the only one to witness me being like that. So, it was a good point. I didn't want anyone else to think I was insane.

"Isabelle, you need to stop it with this nonsense!" Sour face scolded, "There is no one talking to you, you need to understand that."

"I do understand this!" I snapped back through gritted teeth. She glared at me for a moment. Wasn't she supposed to be a therapist? I'm pretty sure therapists aren't ever allowed to tell people to just 'stop it'. A real therapist would know it's not a choice.

"Now, come along, you have another meeting with Dr. Leri." She marched from the room and I was left to the slam the door shut behind her. That woman made me want to pull my hair out in frustration! I hated her. I hated everything about her! She made me wish I had taken my life. She made me wish that social services and the cops had never taken me in and forced into the hospital!

Luckily Sour Face trusted me enough to walk down to Dr. Leri's office alone. I think I was one of the more stable 'patients' at the hospital. Wherever I looked, most people had a mentor of some sort. Some of the other teens were even handcuffed to them! I didn't want to become one of them. I knew I had a duty to not try and make a break for it. That and the fact the doors were blotted up tightly with high tech security systems and electric fences.

The corridor had been cleaned since yesterday. The whole place smelt of bleach and it made me want to throw up what little breakfast I had consumed that morning. I tried hurry down the hallway, but it only made the smell worse.

I managed to hold my breath until I got outside Dr. Leri's door. It was propped open slightly, as if someone had slammed it shut too hard and it had bounced back open. There were also voices in there, too, but they were too hard to make out at first. I have always been a daring person, so I slightly pushed the door open a little more and tried to concentrate on the two people inside,

"You need to help her, Laura."

"I'm trying to!" Dr. Leri replied, her voice strained. "There is nothing sadder than a child who has barely seen the world, yet who has seen enough of it to know that he does not wish to be a part of it..."

"Isabelle Brighton is a wonderful young girl." They were discussing me. "She's clever, she's talented...But she knows nothing other than what she has been brought up to believe."

"But-"

"But nothing, Laura!" The second person was definitely a stern man. And he didn't seem to like Dr. Leri very much, either. "Isabelle Brighton needs to be helped! She needs to be fixed up and put out there in the world so she can show her true potential!"

My true potential? I had no idea what he was rambling on about, but chances were that I wasn't going to like him very much either. He seemed too strict. I didn't like strict. Strict meant rules. And rules were meant to be broken in my world! Though, not a lot of people like my world very much.

"Isabelle Brighton has had nothing but a terrible upbringing. An estranged father, an alcoholic and abusive mother. She fell into the wrong crowd, Laura, you know that. She needs to be helped! And it is your job to make sure that she is mentally stable by the time she leaves."

"Yes, sir." Dr. Leri's voice quivered slightly, though it was only a whisper to begin with. She was scared, I could tell. I was an expert in working out when people had great fears. I had been around enough people who lied about it to know when they were.

I decided I didn't need to get caught, so I quickly jumped to my feet and knocked on the door before the man could open it up to reveal I had been there the whole time. He did still open up the door, but he knew I was there now. He was quite an old man with very little hair, and what he did have was white. His stomach stuck out in front of him and his cream coloured shirt looked like it was a tight fit. He didn't seem to be very happy.

The old man gave me a nod of his head before quickly barging past and walking down the corridor. I wanted to shout after him, but I knew Dr. Leri may have just seen how rude I could be. That was the last thing I wanted because she had sounded so scared. I didn't want to scare her anymore.

Was it wrong of me to care for someone who I had only met once?

ISABELLE! ISABELLE! ISABELLE!

I instantly clamped my hands over my ears, hoping that Dr. Leri didn't know I was there. That was the voice I hated. There were three that haunted my mind and had done for as long as I could remember. There was my conscience, the angel and the devil. It's basics to know that everyone has them, but mine intended to talk to me when they shouldn't have.

I didn't mind conscience or Angel. It was Devil who I hated. His voice would whisper through my mind, hissing like a snake and trying to talk me into bad things. I knew they were bad, I knew they were wrong. But I couldn't help myself from doing them because it was what my 'mind' was telling me to do.

I hated it.

* * *

><p><strong>I'll fake all the smiles, if it stops all the questions.<strong>

* * *

><p>"Izzy?" I looked up, my hands instantly dropping to my side. Dr. Leri was staring at me with curiosity now, "Is everything okay?"<p>

I smile at her, trying to show that everything was okay when it really wasn't, "I'm fine." Lie. "There was just a bee and I HATE bee's and I didn't want it to sting me so I put my hands over my ears because when I was young a bee stung me in the ear and my mom had to pour a LOT of vinegar on my ear and it felt all clogged up and soggy. Has that ever happened to you? Because I get sting by bees quite a lot, actually! I'm like some sort of bee magnet or something." I hadn't realized how fast I had been talking until I had stopped and Dr. Leri was staring at me with even more curiosity. "Or not..."

She smiled back, gesturing me inside. That was one good trick I had learnt over the past few years; Smiling stops the unwanted questions.

* * *

><p>AN: HEY!

Soooo...Long wait for this chapter? Maybe a bit...But I can usually only write things like this when I'm depressed and upset and in the mood to die...I haven't been since the last was written! BUT! I still wrote and uploaded this for ya'll today :D

hehe!

Bold-Conscience

Italics-Angel

Underlined-Devil

Make sense? Unless you're reading this on a device that disables all things like that (e.g. DSi), then they did speak in that order and the one that was shouting her name was Devil!

hehehe...

I find it to be true, though. Everyone has a conscience, an angel and a devil with them at all times. Mine don't talk to me...But Lucy and Daisy do! ...Does that make me sound weird? LOL! Probably...But...You know when you're young and you have imaginary friends? Well, I was never able to just imagine another person beside me...So, I created Lucy and Daisy in my head...I could mentally imagine them...And they've been with me ever since I started school! LOL!

Does any of this make you think I'm weird? A lot of people have told me how weird I am recently...LOL! I think they may have meant it in a bad way...But, why wouldn't you want to be weird? Weird is EPIC! Weird is AWESOME! LOL! Do you think I'm weird?

I'm trying to get into a cycle of updates...Like, update them in an order;

Maybe I am Crazy

Truth or Dare

The Real Baker's Dozen

Girl On The Move

Sound good? It's just, that's the way I update them last...So next up with be Truth or Dare :D I'll probably write it on the weekend :D

Quotes;

I'm so happy, cause today I found my friends, they're in my head.-Kurt Cobain

There is nothing sadder than a child who has barely seen the world, yet who has seen enough of it to know that he does not wish to be a part of it...

I'll fake all the smiles, if it stops all the questions.

Thank you to;

CynicalSquid: LOL! That's fine ;) Yep...I do. haha! No, it wasn't offensive ;) Oh! Don't worry about the pairing stories thing...It's just something I do mentally and I just write it down in a state of rambling to take my mind off the pain my mouth. No need for you to worry about it ;) LOL! Thank you :)

Cottontop: Awwww! Why Thank you :D hehehe...I know...I was trying my best to turn her into the same old Izzy, but in a way that no one may have seen her as being before. Thanks :)

EvanescenceAngel: I did try...LOL! Well, I'm glad you like it all the same :) ahahaha! Wow...That's creepy...LOL! Thank you :)

i'mSOhighIcanHEARheaven: Okay...DUDE! I was reading your review and I linking it back to my own life! Everything you said (minus the part about the bullies, which I do feel for you about and I am dead against bullying myself!...But I wasn't bullied) is EXACTLY how I am! ahaha! Well, I am always here if you ever wanna be that open again :) Awww! Thank you :) You're a really good friend too :) Thanks :)

John Morrison Invades TDI: Yes...I am aware that Izzy's IQ is 188, but I wanted to tone it down a bit to a more reasonable level for an average teenage girl. hehe! But thanks for pointing it out :) Thank you :)

ThatSuperHotSexyBookWorm: Awww! Thank you :D Hmmm...I may have been thinking about it subconsciously and I did have you in mind because of some of the things we do talk about...But I swear I didn't intentionally mean to use anything you told me about! hehe! Thanks :)

KlaineLuneville: It's strike ;) LOL! And I know...Most people don't realize it until I say so...Because...When I'm online, writing a new chapter or talking to someone in an AN or PM...I try to just out on a smile...I don't want to drag anyone down with my thoughts and feelings and, most of the time, I do smile a lot when I talk to you and everyone else :) Awww! Sorry! I didn't mean to make you sad! Sorry...=( Thank you :)

Iluvpurpleandblack99: Yeah...It is hard. Dude...Seriously, reading this and relating it to myself! o.O A lot of people don't realize I'm depressed because I don't like to show it to people who I care about...So I put on a brave smile and post a bunch of smiley faces and random things...It can make seem alright, but it can't actually make things alright. Well, if you ever wanna talk, I am here! Glad you love this story :) Thanks :)

Kenny'sOrangeParka: Have I told you how awesome I think your new penname is? LOL! IT'S AWESOME! ahaha! No...It's not bad...Of course; I may just be saying that because I can relate to it, too...ahaha! Sorry, sorry! I have a bad habit of beating myself up over my chapters and stories and such...hehe...I know! That quotes is definitely one of my favorites ones :D ahaha! Naaaah! I totally doubt my advice giving skills! Sorry, sorry! I don't mean to make you mad! I just automatically doubt myself...ahahaha! Thank you :)

OH MY SCARLATINAN GODS! That was nine whole people who reviewed on the first chapter! OMSG! PLEASE KEEP IT UP GUYS! I LOVE YOU! hehe!

Well, must make this quick, I need to shower before Glee comes on ;) LOL! Speaking of which, has anyone seen the first two episodes yet? EPIC OR WHAT? LOL! The second one is on in under an hour now, but I watched it yesterday morning online ;) LOL! I'M INPATIENT! hahaha!

Thanks for reading, please review :)

Mega thanks to ThatSuperHotSexyBookWorm for spellchecking the chapter for me :D I owe you one, Maddi!

Love ChloeRhiannonX


	3. Reformation

**Chapter Three**

**Reformation**

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><p><strong>Not all scars show. Not all wounds heal. Sometimes you can't always see the pain someone feels.<strong>

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><p>"Dr. Leri, is everything alright?" I asked. The doctor was looking a lot paler than usual. Her hair was turning grey, as if she had forgotten to dye it, and her eyes were looking tired, yet worried. She wasn't her usual quirky self, to say.<p>

"You've been sent to a mental hospital and you're the one asking the physiatrist if she's _alright_?" The words buzzed in my ear like the voices in my mind did, but the person who had spoken was real. It wasn't Dr. Leri, it wasn't me, and it wasn't the voices. We should have been the only people in the office at that time, but we clearly weren't.

I turned around to see a girl around my age sat on the edge of the wooden desk. She had short hair, cropped around her ears in a frizzy mess of brown. Her sickly pale skin stuck to her face in a gaunt-like way as her beady eyes stared me down, the intense green of them sinking into my skull without blinking. This girl was very skinny, skinnier than me! Her stomach looked like someone had taken a vacuum to it and left nothing to spare. And the tight t-shirt she was wearing did not compliment her looks.

"Izzy, this is Samantha." I tried staring the girl down too, a hard look on my face. It was nothing compared to the way she was looking at me. Her eyes seemed to be scanning my body, as if assessing me for some reason.

I had no idea who she was or what she was doing in Dr. Leri's office the same time as I was, but I did not like Samantha one bit. There was just something about her that made me want to punch her square in her overly-large nose.

"What is she doing here?"

"Izzy, please take a seat." I didn't have to look to know that Dr. Leri shot Samantha a look that probably told her to join me.

"WHAT IS SHE DOING HERE?" I screamed, turning to face Dr. Leri. I was in no mood to be socializing with someone else. I was there because I had been summoned, because I needed guiding. I did not need someone else there silently judging me as I talked to Dr. Leri.

"Izzy-"

"I WANT TO KNOW!" I hadn't snapped like that in a while. I had forgotten how good it felt to take my anger out. It was empowering, it made me feel a lot better. But I still had a lot of anger inside of me, just bubbling and burning and needing to escape my chest.

Dr. Leri didn't look taken back, she didn't look scared. I remember how everyone always flinched when I raised my voice at them because they never expected me to. I was small, I was fragile, and I wasn't supposed to burst out like that.

"I am here, Isabelle, because I have been assigned to be your mentor." Samantha piped up. I still wanted to punch her. I wasn't looking at her, but I desperately needed to hit something. I liked getting my anger out using violence.

"A mentor?" I questioned, "Why do I need a mentor?" A mentor was someone who showed you the ropes of a new place. I wasn't going to a new place. I had already been at the hospital for a week; I needed no one to show me how things ran around there because I already knew.

"Izzy, please-"

"WHY DO I NEED A MENTOR?" I screamed at Dr. Leri again. She kept avoiding my questions, it was my only hope. Shouting and screaming and raising my voice usually did help when I wanted people to notice me, to talk to me. I was all too familiar with people ignoring me.

"Izzy, I am sending you to St. Catherine's Reformatory School for Girls." I could feel my whole body going numb. My breath got caught in my lungs and my chest started to tighten up. My heart was racing, my mind jumping, it was all going to too fast. I hate getting unexpected news like this.

I wanted to go home. I wasn't supposed to be staying in the hospital for long. I wanted to get home to my mother and my friends. I wanted to be able to go to the park and harass some little kids. I wanted to be able to crawl under my blanket at night and dream about a better life. I wanted to go home.

"The school is a great place and you will meet a lot of girls who are going through the same thing as-"

"NO!" I shouted again, "I don't want to go! I don't want to sit around and talk about my problems! I don't want to hear anyone else's! I want to go home! I want to see my mother!"

Dr. Leri was now looking very worried. I could see that I had upset her, but she had also upset me. But, why were her eyes telling me she was sorry? What had happened?

"Izzy..." I wanted to explode again, but I couldn't find the strength to do so. "You can't go home to your mother anymore." I didn't have to ask why I couldn't, there were only two explanations; she was dead or she was locked up. "Izzy, I'm sorry...I was looking for the right time to tell you bu-"

I couldn't take it anymore, so I did what I have always done best; I ran. I moved at a fast pace from the office and back down all the winding corridors. I ran straight back to my dorm. I didn't stop; I ignored everyone who tried to talk to me on the way. I wanted to be left alone. But I was never fully alone.

_You did the right thing, Iz..._

YOU SHOULD I HURT THEM! THE WAY THEY KEEP HURTING YOU! THEY HURT YOU, IZZY! THEY ARE ALWAYS HURTING YOU! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT! THEY WANT YOU GONE! THEY DON'T WANT TO HELP YOU! THEY WANT YOU DEAD, JUST LIKE YOUR MOTHER! YOU'RE NO GOOD TO THEM, JUST LIKE YOUR FATHER! 

I let out a shrieking scream, collapsing onto my bed. I wanted everyone to go away, but there were people who always stayed in my mind. My mother. My father. The stupid voices which I always wished would disappear. But they wouldn't. None of them would. I was left with them all haunting my mind. Day after day, moth after moth, year after year. There were five of them who I could never stop thinking about.

I opened my eyes, finding it to now be dark. Someone had been in my room whilst I was sleeping; they had covered me up with the blanket and drawn the curtains. My eyes felt heavy but my mind was awake. My wild locks were sticking to my face from the tears I had been crying all along.

* * *

><p><strong>There's a girl in my mirror crying tonight and there's nothing I can tell her to make her feel alright...<strong>

* * *

><p>The girl in the mirror was staring back at me now. I didn't recognize her. She was not someone I knew. Her face was pale, her hair a birds nest of knots. Her eyes were red and puffy, no smile upon her gloomy face. I had no idea who this girl was anymore, but I did know she was not me. I was always happy. I always had a smile on my face. My cheeks were always full of life and my hair was always neat. Who had I become?<p>

More tears fell down my face, but I couldn't even conjure up the energy to brush them away anymore. They would just keep falling like they always did. I was always crying now. I had nothing left to live for, so why did everyone want to keep me alive? Why was I so valuable?

As my vision blurred I took one last look at myself. Nothing I said was going to make a difference anymore. Nothing I said was going to make it all alright.

* * *

><p>AN: It was a bit shorter than the other chapters...And possibly not as good...BUT IT'S SOMETHING!

I am sooo sorry for the wait on this! I have been sick, I have been busy, and I have been tired! I started writing this almost two weeks ago now, but I have never been able to finish it until now!

Ah fuck...I just sneezed all over the keyboard -_- I hate my life...

BUT I HAVE NINE DAYS OFF FROM COLLEGE! YAY! That hopefully means more updates! Not necessarily on this story...I will be honest ad say that I do struggle to writ this story! Not because I have no ideas, but...Because it's quite a personal story. I started writing it because I was upset and feeling very depressed...But these days, when I'm upset or depressed, I can't write anymore...

GRRR! EVIL BRAIN!

OH! I need to ask a favor to all! Please would you all do me a massive favor and go to Wurdzl (dot) com and look for my stories (I'm ChloeRhiannonX and I have 8 stories on there) and wurd-up them for me! It's a competition! Whoever has the most wurd-up's by December 11th gets an Amazon Kindle Wi-Fi! It would mean a lot to me if you would PLEASE! Help me win :D THANK YOU! And if you ever write something on there yourself, I promise to wurd-up you too!

Thank you to;

Kenny'sOrangeParka: Yes, they are definitely very strange. Oh...That's terrible...I'm actually not afraid of them! I've been sting a LOT of times, too =/ Weird...LOL! YAY FOR 'Normality' ;) hahaha! Of course I remember you! LOL! Yep...Probably...hehe! I know! I love quotes too! LOL! ahahaha! Sorry, sorry, it's just how I see it ;) LOL! Why would you taste sour milk? ...Okay, I did eat moldy bread earlier, so maybe I shouldn't be saying much...LOL! Thank you :)

ThatSuperHotSexyBookWorm: hehe! I don't think I ever asked you if you enjoyed your holiday! Did you? Thanks :)

EvanescenceAngel: BITCH! Not you, whoever that was directed at...I hate people like that! They're just PATHETIC! ...hahaha! Thank you :)

CynicalSquid: YES! Goal accomplished! CynicalSquid is OFFICALLY speechless xD One of the most opinionated girls I know! ahahaha! Thanks :)

Cyburn: Yeah...I know what you mean...It all makes sense now...hehe! Ah...Well, we never know what will happen in the end...Thank you :)

Cottontop: xD Thanks :)

KlaineLuneville: Lucky you! The only Glee DVD I have is the Pilot episode! But, I do have all of the CD's ;) hahaha! Nooo...What I meant was that you watch the episode on Tuesday's and I get to watch them on Wednesday's online because they don't come out until Thursday in the UK...IT SUCKS! And what sucks more is a month long gap between episodes! 10 days until glee is back! YES! LOL! Yes...She really is...YAY! Sounds like a plan ;) LOL! And no, this review didn't bore me! Thank you :)

YAY! Reviews :) Your reviews always make me smile :) And make me feel better xD

I think 16 reviews in two chapters had gotta be some sortta record for me...YES! LOL! This is definitely one of the more favored stories of mine ;) LOL! Truth or Dare is first then this and then Girl On The Move :D

SHUT UP!

Sorry, I'm rambling now because I'm bored...I SHOULD GO WRITE SOMETHING ELSE!

Speaking of writing, I wrote a oneshot yesterday, PLEASE CHECK IT OUT!

I'M UP TO 110 STORIES NOW! YAY! LOL! Goal is 150 by June 26th, think I can do it? LOL! I HOPE SO!

Thanks for reading, please review :)

Love, ChloeRhiannonX


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